hello.
went to see the cubs today. they lost, of course. now i'm convinced there's a curse on me. and to salt the wounds of the loss, my fantasy players sucked. alou: 0-4, 2 K; bellhorn: 0-3, 3 K, and wood lost, although i thought he pitched ok. and it was cold. still, it was a good time. i like the old school feel of wrigley.
oh yeah, dr. quinn, medicine woman sang the 7th inning stretch.
that is all.
posted by mcpheeny 12:13 AM
ok, here's another fake article back by popular demand. (actually stork's demand)
first let me get the requisite "f--- you bill self" comment out of the way.
ok, here's the article:
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Stork: Reloaded
A follow up article of Chicago's brightest star.
"So what are you doing later tonight?"
The mesmerized young lady could barely gather herself to emit a response.
"Uh, nothing," she stammered, her eyes fixated on the rugged, handsome face addressing her.
"Well, give me your number, and I might give you a call later," said Chris Sorcic, otherwise known as "Stork", and owner of said face.
She scribbled her number thoughtlessly on a paper napkin and handed it to Stork, never taking her eyes off of his face. Her gaze lowered gradually, not stopping until it reached just below his belt buckle. Only then did she realize the possibilities that the night could hold.
Stork noticed this, smiled, and thought to himself "easy pickings." "Ok, I'll see you later," Stork said, and thrust out his pelvis a little for emphasis before turning around, and heading back to his apartment. Onlookers call friends and family on their cell phones to share with them their brush with greatness.
Just another day at the office for one of the biggest playas Chicago has ever seen. Since our last feature on Sorcic (Stork: Chicago's Newest Playa), he has firmly established himself as a true playa. The consensus is that he has made The Leap. Playa scouts drool over his ability. Other Chicago playas feel threatened by his presence. All of this is with good reason. In a short time, Stork has seemingly left an unprecedented wave of satisfied young women in his wake. Everything seems to be clicking for the former Princeton, IL native. Juggling multiple women is not, and has proven not to be out of the realm of possibility for this talented youngster.
Not so fast, some veteran playas and critics say. Seemingly, young Stork has shown much recklessness in his operations, a common sign with playas who come up in the ranks too fast. But this is no ordinary playa. Such recklessness seen in such a prolific playa like Stork could have catastrophic results. If such powers are not harnessed, the general population could be in danger. "Dude gots to be schtraight trippin, fo shizzle. We be talkin' Annakin Skywalker here," exclaimed veteran playa Joe "Dudo" Chen. "Dog be gettin' his mack on e'ey now an' then, that be coo. But dude can't be bustin' a nut fo' e'ey ho he sees at Taco Bizell. Sheeeit."
Chen's views are treated as gospel in the playa community, and his thoughts on Stork are no different. Many experts agree that although a great playa, one area of Stork's game that needs help could be selectivity. Much to his chagrin, many were witness to the infamous "Polish Nurse Student Debacle" at Barleycorn a couple months back, and is documented in Chen's website for posterity. "Isolated incident," Stork explains curtly. Most of the community agrees that this was an isolated incident, although no one can be sure what he does when no one is looking.
Another problem that has come to light in the community is Stork's methods of protection. There have been serious allegations raised on his unwillingness to use it, which is severely frowned upon in the playa community. Stork's comments on this subject is not suitable for print. Without getting too graphic, it is suffice to say that there have been fruitless efforts to find something that can suitably "hold" him. In any case, to the horror of many, Sorcic is not worried about this. "Hey, what girl wouldn't want a memento of their experience with me?" reasons Sorcic. "I'm filled with rashy goodness."
Not only is Stork dangerous to the general population, he has brought danger onto himself. Everyone knows that all playas face hostile people trying to subdue their operations. They are commonly referred to as "playa hatas", and are often friends with the targeted girl. Every playa assumes the risk of facing playa hatas when they are working. But the bigger the playa, the bigger the playa hatas. Most of the time, these playa hatas simply employ a subversive technique referred to as "cock blocking" to undermine the playa's work. But when someone attains as high of a status as Stork, playa hatas turn violent, out of jealousy, and may attack the playa. "This one time, I took some slut home and I was already layin' the pipe when her friend came in and smacked me in the back of the head with my Sopranos DVD set. And it was still in the case, so it hurt a lot." Needless to say, that night did not end well for Stork. Because of that incident, Stork now travels with a posse of various friends, which changes weekly, and includes Asians at its peak strength.
But he scoffs at any criticism of his recklessness. He adamantly denies any guilt for the way he works, and openly blasts his critics. "This is my dream. I am the greatest playa to hit Chicago. F--- them all."
Later that night, Stork take a couple shots of jager, and makes the call to the girl he met earlier. He showers, and puts on his working clothes. He exudes a peaceful confidence as he closes his eyes and goes through his gameplan. He gets in the elevator, goes down, and steps outside of his apartment building. "Good playa weather," he notes. He takes a few steps and, all of a sudden, gets an uneasy feeling about what he is doing. He shakes it off, and continues towards his goal, like a man possessed.
"Easy pickings," he says to himself. "Easy pickings."
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as always, fictional elements based on fact. actually pretty much purely fictional.
laters.
posted by mcpheeny 2:13 PM