hello friends.
a couple things first. my bosses must read my blog or something, because right after i posted about my increased workload, they gave me a raise to compensate for it. it was a pretty small raise, but i appreciate the token gesture more than the money. didn't expect it, but i'll take it.
well, here's my 4th installment of the stork article series. i haven't written any articles in a while, but this idea just came to me (as you will see). seems like current events give me ideas.
names have been altered to protect the innocent (from being googled)
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STORK VOL. IV: A COURSE IN STORK AND MODERN ECONOMICS
The biggest trade in playa community history occurred this week, and it threatens to alienate the community and fans alike.
There isn't much in life that Chris Sorc-c (aka "Stork") doesn't have. Along with the distinction of being the best playa in the community, and potentially the greatest playa ever, he has legions of fans, lucrative endorsement deals with Express and Abercrombie, and the richest contract in the playa community's history: $252 million over 10 years.
The contract has been a source of disgust for years among fans of the playa community. "It's just another example of how the economics of the game have corrupted the sport," one so-called playa hata complained. "With all these huge contracts, the small time playas aren't content to enjoy being a playa for the purity of the sport. Now it's all about getting paid. Shiet, the latest trend is all these 15- and 16-year making the jump to the pros because all they see is dollar signs. They get to the big leagues, and they don't have the fundamentals, let alone the proper tools. Only the pros can wield a 4 incher and get away with it."
On the day the Stork contract was signed, tremors reverberated throughout the playa community, but they were felt more by the small market whores than by anyone else. "We just can't compete with the upper class," fumed Ivanna Sukyodik, one of these small market whores. "I just don't have the revenue to hire any big time playas, least of all Stork. If more contracts like this are signed, the playa community will collapse. Listen, you just can't compete if all you can get are the P-ongbunk-rs or Yoons of the world."
The trade that occurred earlier this week brought back the national focus to the fight between small market and big market whores. The richest whore of all in the playa community, the Boss, George Steinbrenner acquired the services of Stork in a blockbuster trade for cash and condoms. Most of the playa community was outraged that Steinbrenner, already with a large, high caliber stable of playas pleasuring him and doing his bidding, had the gall to add the biggest and best playa of them all to his squad, enormous price tag be damned.
Many experts in the community sounded off in the media, in print and on the airwaves after the deal had been announced. Some felt this was bad for the playa community, that the small market whores would be eliminated, which would lead to a monopoly by the rich whores, such as Steinbrenner. Others felt that if the it was within Steinbrenner's means to obtain the services of any playa he wanted, since there were no rules prohibiting such a deal, he should be left to his own devices. Joseph Chen, former playa extraordinaire, and a current editor of Playa Illustrated had mixed feelings about the deal: "Damn strizzle this shiet gonna be whack for da fans and otha ho's in playa-ville. Shiet, I know dis one biatch, she's so po' all she can afford is dat chump Dennis Wu. Still, I don't think e'eybody should be doggin my boy Georgie Stizzlebrizzle. Muthaf-cka's got the bling, he best be getting the gangsta dope out there. And the gangsta dope happens to be my boy Stork."
How did Stork feel about this deal? "Wow. I'm really excited to work for Mr. Steinbrenner," Stork gushed at a press conference when the trade was announced. "I didn't feel like my previous employer was a right fit for me. I never got any satisfaction working for her. I mean, I literally didn't get any satisfaction: she had a wide, gaping vagina. I'm grateful that Mr. Steinbrenner thought enough of me to pursue me."
When further questioned about his role working for Steinbrenner, Stork was similarly blunt. "Well, I understood that I would have to convert to the homo position for this job, but I want to do anything I can for Mr. Steinbrenner. Obviously I've been a "pitcher" all my life, performing hetero duties, but I have to make some sacrifices. I understand that I will be asked to perform as a "catcher" half of the time, and frankly I'm looking forward to the challenge."
"I guess come spring training, I'll have to work on a few new skills," Stork chuckled. "Maybe less time in the batin' cages and more time catching balls." At that point, most of the reporters at the press conference shifted uncomfortably in their seats.
Criticisms aside, the Stork trade has garnered a tremendous amount of attention to the playa community. Outsiders are curious to see how Stork adjusts to his change, and if Steinbrenner will succeed with his strategy of hoarding young studs. The trade may or may not ending up hurting the playa community in the future, but one thing is clear: Whatever happens to the playas, Stork will be in the middle of it all.
posted by mcpheeny 5:47 AM